He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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