I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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