my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
