Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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