i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
