Yo dont text me then not text me
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
