I cannot find my penis.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I am available for nakedness
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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