Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I wish you could order shots online.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
