it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Four minutes until I can fart!
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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