If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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