Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
