strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
