I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
