just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
