Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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