I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
