When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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