I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
