I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
