Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Is it penis luge time yet?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
