This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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