I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
