Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize