Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Betty ford says i'm here all night
home. puking in laundry basket.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
