i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
