Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
