just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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