Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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