He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
