is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
