she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
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