I want to stick my p in your. b.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
