She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
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