I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
