i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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