I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
