I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
