Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
