i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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