I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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