Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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