i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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