i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
