Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
We had sex on a dog bed..
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
