the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
