I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize