i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
