I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
