god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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