so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
