We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
