$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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