I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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