I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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