It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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