Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
