make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
