My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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