i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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