i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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