We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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