Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
My vagina is officially offended.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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