wrigley field is MILF paradise
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
