we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
