just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize