I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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