Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Everclear isn't food dammit
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
